Get up

So after a very eventful Friday, I decided the night before that on the next day that I would go out around town see whats happening and find some stuff before I fly away again. In that very small corner of my conscience I'd hoped that I would be able to at least see one of my friends(was?) and say hello but that didn't happened and I have mixed feeling about since I'm torn between Yes and not this and that.. All the little details that once mattered so much but no more. But that is not the highlight of my day for that particular day. The highlight was when I called ATC and asked what to do and to my surprise  that they actually just raised the fee and I didn't know what to do since I've already made plans to this and that. So when I heard that words just escaped, and my mind started to process the dark thoughts on how that I would fail and it all would be to waste. I ended the call with "I'll get back to you later" and after that my mind went blank and my thoughts faded into nothing just a spiral of what if and should've rises. So I sat there without any reaction, not even taking notice of the people walking by going on with their day. In my mind I knew I lost it, for fifth teen minutes my head just went berserk though no emotion was showing I was on the verge of screaming and crying my heart out. Its just that feeling you get when you tried so hard and failed. Nothing is worst than that. But after the worst have come to pass I started picking up my thoughts again saying relevant things that this is just another test to how much I want this and what to do next. So I got up went home and slept. After waking up I discussed with my parents and looks like they're willing to help. So the lesson that I got here is that yes, sometimes things just doesnt fall to place as you might have hoped and feeling despair and hopeless is all you can do and there is nothing wrong with that, but give yourself some time for your mind to break and rearrange its thoughts again but don't take too long for the longer you wait the longer it is to take another window of opportunity. When one door closes another opens.