July..

One all the months July will be great remembrance to me because of a certain event that happens in daily life but once in every year.

Discovering myself is hard and the process has not even reached the beginning I am just at the prologue where the story only started to unravel itself. The abilities of an individual is often discovered through hardship, where one realize oneself's potential and perform without question. But in time that feeling of self actualization diminish because the people around us fail to notice what we are capable of. When that happen we find ourselves asking the question, " Am I not good enough?" or "What  am I doing Wrong?" even the destructive "What am I doing?.

Happiness isn't a sin but for some reason when we are unhappy we tend to want extra attention from others and their happiness isn't really the thing that you need at the moment. Someone to consolidate with and change perspective is what we need. I seem to have lost the will to try because I wonder if anything that will be a carried out is with worth?. The answer might be because I think I am alone but in truth I am not, my friends are with me, who am I kidding saying things like this has always been my way out.

Believing that people are going to be there when we are at the lowest point of our life. I don't want those empty hindrance, yet for some reason I will be the one crawling back at it. I despise myself for that but what more can I do it is my trait. I have no obligations to be decent at people but for some reason those decencies will lead to my down fall. I realize that there are others who have it worse but this seems to be an outage source for me.

I said to myself and to my friend " One of these day, I'm going to run out".. Those words they are of great fear to me. I have no clear sight yet of what it means yet but for some reason i find it very maleficent. I can't keep going like everything is fine. I remembered my friend's word "Don't dude, don't pretend like nothing happened".